you know how kids tend to subconsciously adopt the mannerisms of their parents? i wonder how far back that stretches.

do i laugh like my great grandfather, because that's the way my grandma laughed, and my mom copied her?

does the way my dad make comedic sounds when he's driving actually originate with a distant uncle two hundred year ago, who made funny noises in the horse-drawn cart because it made his niece laugh?

i wonder which of my little mannerisms came from ancestors long passed, and i wonder which of mine will echo in family descendants long after i'm gone.

you will feel so alive again.. like so incredibly alive. i dont know when that will be but it will be. u are gonna feel so alive that ur cheeks hurt from smiling oh man oh man i promise that day is coming. you do have a future, you do have good things coming, and you’ll survive everything that’s thrown at you until you reach that day

To quote Rilke:

“Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”

There is love and joy in your future, regardless of what shape it takes.